Choices
by Eshe Returned
Summary: What if Jacob and Edward's situations were reversed? How far would Edward go to win Bella back after breaking her heart? Who will Bella choose? AU from New Moon.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:**** This is the first chapter to a story by Hope. Flies ** w fiction s/4093501/1/Choices **She has kindly given me permission to continue it, since she cannot. I'm trying to re-write the first seven chapters so that they work a little better with my plan for the story. This first chapter encompasses the first and second chapters of the original story.**

**Disclaimer****: Nothing's mine…ever…well, except the writing, and only if the reviews are good ;3**

**Chapter 1**

I'm not sure what's supposed to go through your mind as you stand at the edge of a cliff, preparing to jump off, but I'm pretty sure it's not what's going through mine. At first, it's bliss. I hear his voice. He's saying lovely warnings that help me pretend he cares, but then there's another voice: "What about Charlie? What about Jake? What about Renee?" Suddenly, crash after crash on my motorcycle, dangerous outings with strangers at night, run-ins with vampires, visions of danger race past my eyes. "You've been reckless," the voice says. "Don't do this. What if this one goes too far? You can't leave your life."

Finally, his voice again says, "Stay with Jacob, Bella. Let him help you. Let him heal you."

"It's remarkable how much it almost sounds like he cares," I whimper aloud. As I back away from the edge, the hole in my chest tears, its desire unsatisfied, the edges roaring in anger. A part of me realizes that maybe the hole would never be satisfied until I was dead, until it's swallowed me whole. I have to do as he asks in my mind. I have to let Jacob help. The hole widens, throbbing, and I clutch my chest closed, panting, out-of-breath from the pain. My legs crumple beneath me as the sobs come in wrenching gasps.

"Bella!" Jacob's voice, but everything is so foggy. "Bella, are you okay?" he asks, and his voice seems slightly clearer. He checks my pulse, checks my breathing, and then he tries to help me stand. "Bella honey, we need to get you warm. Can you stand? Is anything broken?" I think I shake my head, but it's impossible to tell. The hole feels like it might tear me in two. Jacob finally gives up on getting any response out of me I suppose, because heat cuts through the fog like a knife, and I'm in his arms, being carried to the truck, heater at full blast. Jacob's arms are around me, and all I can think is, "What if I can't? This hole is too much. What if I can't let him heal me? What if he can't in the first place?" Another wave of pain hits as Jacob starts to drive me away from the cliff, and I finally pass out.

When I wake up, I can tell I'm in the Black house. Jacob is snoring in the easy chair that I know is just outside of my vision. I'm too stiff to turn my head and look for him. I can hear Billy, just wheeling into the house. Charlie comes in behind him. They've been fishing, and guessing from Charlie's enthusiasm, their trip was a success.

They must have come up behind me because Billy grunts. "Hmm. Bella's here." This must be directed at Charlie.

"She looks like hell again," Charlie mutters, clearly concerned.

"Thanks," I groan, startling them both as I sit up.

"Oh. Hey Bells, honey," Charlie stammers. "How are you?"

He looks afraid of the answer.

I wonder what I should say. Hey, I almost jumped off a cliff, but I didn't. Aren't you proud? Hey, I feel like I've been hit by a bus, but I'm expecting this fifteen year old kid, sleeping on the chair over there to heal me all up? Hey, I have a hole in my chest that's trying to kill me, given to me by…that vampire. But I stepped back. I didn't go over the ledge, and that has to be a start. So, for the first time in a long time, I feel I can say truthfully:

"I'm okay. I'm going to be okay."

Charlie is stunned. I must actually sound like I believe it too. That is shocking.

"Good. That's good Bella." Charlie steps around the sofa to give me an awkward hug. "Real good," he breathes into my shoulder as he gives it a squeeze before pulling back.

I just smile and shift on my feet until Billy asks me to go get some sodas from the garage for him. He also suggests I wake Jacob. He's probably right. We need to talk. So I walk over to where Jacob is sprawled out in the old, fading easy chair. He looks younger, with his mouth hanging open and a little drool gathering at the edge of his lips. I wipe it gently with the pad of my thumb before I whisper his name.

"Jacob. Wake up."

He jerks awake and sleepily mumbles, "Bella?" He sees me then and smiles. "Bella. You look good," he says as he sits up.

"Ha. Very funny," I deadpan. "Billy wants us to get sodas," I pull at his arm, but it doesn't budge. "Come on."

"Okay, sure sure."

As we walk in the dark night to Jacob's garage, he holds my hand…to keep me from falling of course. The moon is bright in the sky. I feel like it's now or never. If I'm going to let him try to heal me, he has to know all the damage. I don't even know how to begin though. How do you explain a hurt so deep that it cuts chunks out of you? How do you explain a longing so strong that you can hear it? I decide to start with what I know.

"Jacob…you know what I was going to do…at the cliff. Right?"

He doesn't speak for a while. I can see his jaw clench, his head weighed down, like there's some invisible string tying his eyes to his feet. His hand grips mine with a force that is borderline painful. I'm actually impressed he has the presence of mind not to break the tiny bones because he seems far away.

I want to prompt him, but at the same time, I'm afraid of what he might say.

"Yes. I know. You mumbled after you passed out."

I blush then. "Oh my goodness. What did I say?" I'm worried that my mind made the experience into something it wasn't…and yet what it was. How do I explain that I wasn't actually trying to kill myself, at least not in so many words or intentions. I just wanted to hear him. I wanted to feel something other than the tearing, roaring, clawing hole. I knew that I might die, but that was really only a side effect, one I didn't realize my body wanted until I was standing at the edge. My soul has no desire to live without ... him.

"You said: 'I was just going to cliff-dive Edward. I was just going to cliff-dive.'"

I can tell he's watching me for my response to the name. He knows the unwritten rules. He never says the name, but he actually hurls it this time. He hurls it like a throwing knife, aiming for my heart. I flinch.

"Jacob, I…" He cuts me off with a gesture, but I won't be silenced. I stop us, causing me to stumble a little as he tries to keep moving forward for a second, unaware. He catches me before I can fall and just mumbles my name under his breath.

"Jacob, I hear his voice…in my head. When I'm in danger, I hear him. That's why I wanted to cliff-dive. I know it's stupid, and I shouldn't have even considered it, but I just miss him so much." I fall into tears then, and Jacob gathers me into a warm hug, making the comforting shushing noise I love. As soon as I feel stronger, I break away.

"Jacob, this time he told me to stop. Well, he always tells me to stop, but this time was different. There was another voice…it reminded me about Charlie, Renee…and you…what I'd be leaving behind. It took everything I had to pull back from the cliff, but I did. I did because…" Oh God. This was the hard part. How do I ask him for this? How can I do this to him? He wants to be with me, broken, but he doesn't understand what that means, not really.

"I'm glad you did Bella. I'm glad you did." He strokes my hair. It almost feels like he knows what I need to say and is accepting that I can't say it. I pull back violently. I _have_ to say it!

"Jacob, He told me to let him go, and I want to. He told me to let you help, but I need you to understand what you'd be getting into."

"Bella, I know. You're broken. I see it every day, and it breaks me. I know." He strokes my cheek. "But I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for you as long as you need me and after if that comes."

Here it is. This is the moment we'd been dancing around for months. It would only take three words. The hole in my chest tries to strangle them before they can leave my throat, but I spit them out before it can succeed….before it can kill me. "I need you." I gasp as soon as they've left my mouth. I crumple to the ground, gasping and sobbing alternately. He's right there, gathering me to his chest. He takes me to the garage where it smells like him.

In the front seat of the Rabbit, clutching my chest, I can feel it heal some as Jacob puts back the first piece of my heart. He kisses me, and I don't recoil. It's just a simple, close-mouthed, sweet kiss. I don't respond, but the edges of my hole don't feel as ragged as they were. That other voice whispers. "He's going to be here for you."

As soon as I've managed to calm down, we grab the sodas and head back to the house. I offer to fry up some of the fish Charlie and Billy brought back, and I cook up some spaghetti too, since it's all Billy has in the house. We all sit and eat, quietly, but Jacob holds my hand under the table.

When we leave, Charlie and Billy leave Jacob and I alone for a minute to say goodbye. We don't exchange any words. We don't touch. He just looks in my eyes, and I look in his, and then I turn around and leave with Charlie. In the car, I know Charlie can tell something is different. I don't feel as hollow. I can stare out the window and see what's passing. He keeps looking over as if I was a rare new bird, every couple of seconds opening his mouth to say something then changing his mind.

It's when we pull into the driveway that everything goes to hell. Charlie sees the car a half second before me. He immediately puts his cruiser in park. He's opening the door like he's the devil out of hell and heading towards the Volvo…the Cullen's car. I was just starting to feel like healing might be possible, and then this! NO! I won't let him do this to me! I'm not a light switch or some toy…on…off. NO! I come flying out the car, Medusa to Charlie's Satan. I march up to the car and…it's empty. Well of course he would just walk right in my house like he owned the place! I stomp to the front porch. "Why couldn't that one thing be true," I mumble under my breath, thinking of the stories I read growing up, the movies I saw, where the evil has to be invited in. You have to spell your own doom, but this, this is not my fault! I charge into my house with words filling my mouth, but they all fly away when I see the pixie-like creature standing in the kitchen.

"Alice?"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**** This is the second chapter to a story by Hope. Flies **ht tp:/w fiction.n et/s/4093501/1/Choices **She has kindly given me permission to continue it, since she cannot. I'm trying to re-write the first seven chapters so that they work a little better with my plan for the story. This chapter encompasses most of the third chapter from the original story.**

**Disclaimer****: Nothing's mine…ever…well, except the writing, and only if the reviews are good ;3**

**Chapter 2**

"Bella." Alice's voice, even filled with displeasure, sounds like wind chimes in a breeze. I can't believe how much I've missed it. I just want to throw myself into her stone body for a hug, but there are so many questions. Alice beats me to it though.

"Bella, why did you try to kill yourself? I saw you. I saw you standing at the edge of the cliff. Thank goodness you stepped back, but how could you be so reckless!"

Unbelievable. She has the nerve to come here, in my house, and lecture me? I'm not the one with the explaining to do. So I respond with a few questions of my own. "Why were you spying on me? What do you care? Haven't you ever heard that spies rarely see anything they like?"

Alice looks confused by my reaction, and hurt, but she's the one confusing me. A small, hopeful voice in my head starts to wonder if it could be possible everything was just a ruse, that they really do care about me. I squish the voice down though. Hope is dangerous.

"Bella, of course I care," and her face seems to match her words, a concern that I'd missed etched in her features.

I shake my head. I won't be pulled in. Not again. I stumble as I try to take a few steps backward. Charlie catches me and at the same time, the phone rings. I stare at it as if it were an alien before picking it up on the third ring.

"Hello?" I ask the receiver.

"Bella! Oh thank goodness!"

All the breath in my lungs left with a whoosh. I dropped the phone on the floor, and I could feel my knees crumpling, my vision going blurry. I was going to black out for the second time in one night! I managed to breathe a one-word explanation to Charlie: "Edward."

Speak of the devil and he will appear. I wake up in my own bed, and I remember what sent me there. How could I not when his pale face is hovering just a few feet above my own. I reach up to touch him. The lines of concern are etched into his marble skin, and I trace them with my finger. He holds my hand to his face and the coldness is familiar and yet alien. I remember a time when the cold was comforting, but now it unsettles me. I snatch my hand away and sit up, which is when I notice Charlie hovering in my doorway. His fingers are twitching toward his gun holster, but someone had the presence of mind to remove the gun.

"Edward, what are you doing here?" I'm impressed with how calm I sound. I want to scream at him. How dare he and his family do this to me!

He looked nervous, sitting at the edge of my bed. I was still waiting for a response, but none seemed forthcoming. I just continued to look at him. His face…after all this time. It was still mesmerizing, but I no longer enjoyed the feeling. The feeling was like losing control, and I was only just re-gaining control of my life. The longer I looked at him, the more that look became a glare and the more nervous he got.

"Bella, we need to talk," he finally whispers, quiet enough so only I hear. He barely moved his lips. He didn't want Charlie hearing. Rightly so. Charlie would go ballistic. I look at Charlie, standing there in my doorway, and a rush of appreciation causes me to smile a little. As much as I appreciate his presence, Edward is right. This conversation is not something Charlie needs to witness, but it does have to happen, but I won't hurt Charlie so Edward and I can be alone to have it.

I decide to tread delicately. "Dad, I'm okay," I sound convincing because I know I will be this time. "I think that I would like to catch up."

Charlie looks at me incredulously, concerned, and I know why. He thinks it's a bad idea. So do I.

"Dad, I'll be fine. I'm going to the Cullens'. Dr. Cullen, I'm sure, has missed me, and it's been forever since Alice and I had a good chat," I glare at her with the last word to emphasize that I have no intention of _chatting _with her. Charlie seems to recognize something is going on, and in true Charlie-fashion, he nods then leaves without a word.

"Okay, Edward. Talk." I spit as Alice goes downstairs to the Volvo.

"Not here Bella."

I glare and open my mouth to tell him not to boss me when he interjects with a good point. "You already told Charlie you'll be coming to my house. I don't want to upset him."

My glare feels venomous to me, so I can only hope it's getting the message across to him. I don't want to go there, see all the people who let me go…gave me up like some old toy.

"We don't have to go to my house, but we can't stay here."

I just nod my head. It's the most I can manage. I insist on driving my truck though. I won't let him take over.

"Maybe we should go to our meadow?" he suggests, but I can tell it's more than a suggestion. He expects me to follow.

"_Our meadow_," I spit it out like sour milk. "Your meadow is just a dream. _My meadow_ if you'd like to see it is a dead zone." I fling the words in his face. He doesn't even know! He wasn't here! That meadow has become the home of nightmares both real and imagined. Why would I go back? My meadow is a nightmare. It long since stopped being ours.

"Look Bella, it's one of the few truly private places we can go to talk that's not my house," he pleads with his eyes, "Do you remember the way?"

I roll my eyes, but old habits die hard, and he's right. I can't think of a better place to have our last conversation. The meadow is already haunted with so many hurts, what's one more? Hopefully, this time the hurt will not be mine alone.

When we make it to the spot, I jump out and start to hike, but it doesn't take long before I'm tripping all over myself. Edward can tell I don't want to climb on his back, but he wants me to. Finally, he entreats me one final time with his eyes and I nod. He picks me up effortlessly and slings me across his back. Something inside me is irked that after all this time, we can still communicate without words. It's not fair. I don't want this anymore. I can't handle it.

We're at the meadow before I can get too worked up though. Edward sets me down gingerly, looking for all the world like he still cares and still loves me, but I just can't swallow it. "Okay, now talk."

"Bella, I'm so sorry," he ignores my huffing. "I didn't want to hurt you, but I can see that I have. Rosalie told me about Alice's vision, and when you fainted on the phone…I knew I needed to come back. I've already been making my way back to you for months now anyway. I never should have left you," he takes one of my hands, looking at it, stroking it. It feels like it used to except for one thing: it's no longer welcome. He pouts his lip as I try to pull my hand away, and he uses his eyes on me, "Please, Bella. Please forgive me. I thought I was protecting you." His eyes look haunted, almost like this ordeal has hurt him as much as it wounded me. I yank my hand away violently before the thought can go too far. He's hypnotizing me again.

"No."

The look on Edward's face is pure torture. It hurts to look at, so I look away. I won't be swayed…not again. I fell for his act once. I need to be stronger this time. At that thought, the other voice speaks up. Just one word: Jacob. I parrot it, repeating it over and over in my head. I just have to remember, Jacob is putting me back together. I am going to be okay. I need to take control of my life, and that means no more Edward or gnawing chest wound in the metaphorical driver's seat.

"I can't trust you anymore. That's not just going to go away."

It was as if I invited him to fight for me with those words. I realize my mistake as he moves closer. He starts spouting off at the mouth, how sorry he is, how he will prove his loyalty. I shake my head. I can't allow this. I don't want him to fight for me. I want him to go away and let me heal.

"NO!" That stops him. "Edward, I don't love you anymore." It is a borderline lie, but it's the only thing that will do the trick, and we both know it.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:****This is the third chapter to a story by Hope. Flies**ht tp:/w fiction.n et/s/4093501/1/Choices **She has kindly given me permission to continue it, since she cannot. I'm trying to re-write the first seven chapters so that they work a little better with my plan for the story. This chapter encompasses the last of the third and the entirety of the fourth chapter from the original story.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing's mine…ever…well, except the writing, and only if the reviews are good ;3**

**Chapter 3**

Of all the things my Bella was, she was never hurtful, but that has obviously changed. As she bellows in my face that she no longer loves me, I can see her intent, and it is malice. It's also a lie. It has to be, but as she turns away, marches back toward the forest, I can see that lie or no lie, she expects me to believe her. I love her though. I know she still feels for me because things are still the same. I can still read her eyes, her blush, her lips, her fingers. In her eyes, I can tell she still sees me like she used to. Her blush tells me I still bring passion to her life. Her lips tell me she still can't lie. Her fingers hold herself in a way that makes it clear to me she still wants to hold me. But also the same is her silent mind, and as she walks away, I doubt for the first time that things haven't changed. Why wouldn't they? I left her here. It's true, why should she trust me?

But I'm only a few seconds behind her, and I need to see her face, so I catch up hastily. I want to take her in my arms, carry her back to the truck, but looking at her, I can tell it wouldn't be welcome. Not this time. I settle for taking her elbow to help her down the steep path. At first she tries to tear her arm away, but I can see when she gives in with those eyes. It's all there. It's the same. I rejoice and then do something stupid. I clutch her close in an instant, before rational thought returns, and there, close to my chest, she's breathing heavy like she used to. Her fingers are against my chest in a familiar way. Her eyes refuse to look at me, but once they do, she seems to want me the way she did before, but then…a slap that immediately follows almost hurts because it's real.

"Edward, stop!" This time she's close to tears. "Please, please stop." She's muttering to the ground, and my heart breaks. How can things have gotten this bad? How can she have gotten to this point? I've been dying every day without her, but she doesn't want me anymore. Am I alone in this now? Is she truly done? I wish I could cry! But instead, I pick her up, and she leans into my arms, and I obey, as I always must. I stop, even as I rush headlong down the path. I place her in the driver's seat and wait, outside of the car. I wait as she stops crying. She swipes her hand across her eyes angrily and drives away. I follow her back to her house without her seeing, and as soon as she's inside, I make my plans to run. I'll run to the Volturi. I'll stop. I'll stop existing. I'll stop everything because Bella asked me to.

"Edward, you can't!" Alice's voice rings in my head. She's just seen my intention, but I run anyway. "Edward," she sounds deadly. "Edward! Don't block me out! Victoria is coming after Bella! You can't leave her!"

I stop so suddenly that my feet leave grooves in the ground, which turn into holes as I turn 180 and run back toward Bella. I'm always running toward Bella. I run until I'm at her window. I don't pause to think. I can't. She _has _to listen to me. Even if she's moved on. She's my life. I have to protect her. I can't stop. I can't leave. I can't until she's safe.

"Bella!" I gasp when I see her room is empty. Victoria can't have already gotten to her! I sniff the air, but there is only Cullen scent…and a strange wet-dog smell, faint, but I can't believe I didn't notice it earlier.

Then, there's a tinkling in the bathroom and I'm in there before I can think. My Bella, flushed all over after a hot shower, wrapped in a towel, and I'm there holding her before I've had a chance to decide if I should. The next moment, I'm kissing her, and I _know _for sure that I shouldn't, but it's hard not to get lost in the sensation, particularly as she kisses me back.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:****This is a revised chapter to a story by Hope. Flies** w ww. fan fiction s/4093501/1/Choices **She has kindly given me permission to continue it, since she cannot. I'm trying to re-write the first seven chapters so that they work a little better with my plan for the story. This chapter encompasses chapter five from the original story.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing's mine…ever…well, except the writing, and only if the reviews are good ;3**

**Chapter 4**

I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have kissed him back, but when his icy lips met my shower-warmed ones, the sensation was too much, and I'm still so weak. What was I supposed to do? It felt so much like love and like everything I've been missing. It tasted like good memories, good times, and happiness. I threw myself into it with abandon when I should have torn myself away, and that just made it harder – for both of us – when the new voice in my head reminded me that I had to stop. I almost expected the old voice to pipe in, for old times' sake. If anything was dangerous, this kiss certainly was. If anything was danger, this kiss – hope – this was.

I started to cry as I stopped my lips from moving. It felt contrary to my nature, but the voice reminded me. It reminded me how hurt I'd been. It reminded me that I couldn't trust the man whose lips were on mine. It reminded me that Jacob was going to put me back together. It reminded me that there had already been some progress before _he _showed back up.

I took a step back, and I let all of my anger fume from my eyes. All it took was that one look. Edward took off faster than I could see. He was gone. It felt almost like losing him all over again, so I collapsed to the floor, and that's when the phone rang. Somehow I managed to make it to the phone to answer.

"Hello?"

"Hey Bella," Jacob's voice felt like oxygen whooshing into my heart. I could breathe. I could feel. I was going to be okay.

"Hey Jacob, what's up?" I sounded remarkably normal considering what I'd just been through. I could almost hear him shuffling on the phone.

"I just wanted to check on you. Charlie called and told us the Cullens were back. I was going to call earlier, but he said you'd gone to talk with Edward and then you were taking a shower."

I wasn't surprised at Charlie's astuteness in guessing I was "catching up" with Edward, not Alice or Dr. Cullen. I also wasn't surprised to hear the jealousy and malice in Jacob's voice. I was still grateful Charlie called him.

"Thank you Jake. I'm sorry. The Cullens popped by, but it gave me the opportunity to settle things with Edward. I think." I tried not to think about the kiss, and that told me what I needed to know most. I had better tell Jake. It all came out in a rush: "I told him I don't love him anymore, but Jake, I'm pretty sure I still do. He kissed me, and I liked it, but I stopped. I don't want to love him anymore. I know now what he does to me. I'm so sorry. I still need your help. You won't leave me right?"

"Bella, honey, shh. I won't leave. I promise. But I did want to let you know that we can't protect you on their lands."

Oh, right. I had forgotten all about the vampire after me. I shivered. Surely these weren't Cullen lands anymore? They left. I growled at the thought in my head. The Cullens weren't going to protect her now that she wasn't with Edward, were they? No. They don't care about me. None of them. And at that moment, Alice swooped into the window.

"Uh, Jake, I've gotta call you back," I muttered into the phone and hung up.

"Jake!?" Alice shrieks. "Why are you talking to that dog? It's reckless to hang out with werewolves, Bella."

"Oh, and now you're concerned?" I huff. "Besides, it's not as if hanging with vampires was all that safe, and I did that."

"Oh, Bella, that's beside the point. Werewolves have no control. They're next to beasts!"

"Shut up, Alice. Just…just shut up." I feel exhausted.

"Bella!"

I hold up my hands. The last thing I need from her is a lecture on manners.

"Okay, fine, if you want, hang out with werewolves. It's stupid, but you do what you want. You always do…like toying with Edward's heart. Why would you do that!? Why would you kiss him back and then tear his heart out with a look? And telling him you don't love him?"

"Tear his heart out! Are you serious? Alice, you all left me. He tore my heart out and left me here to die. He didn't care. You didn't care. I'm defending myself!"

"Oh, Bella," Alice moved in like she was going to hug me, but I held up a hand and ignored the hurt expression. I wouldn't let her fool me into thinking she cared. Not again.

"Bella, don't be childish. You have to know how Edward feels? He's told you. Haven't you noticed how hurt he is when you reject him? He left to _protect _you." She was clearly frustrated, taking her brother's side. Well, if this is protection, I don't need it, and I told her as much.

"At least if Edward was going to 'protect' me like this, he could have kept his promise and not come back. Maybe then, I'd have a chance to heal. But no, he…you all…you're intent on breaking me over and over. What kind of cruel…monsters…are you!?"

Alice recoiled and then her eyes narrowed. "You know what, Bella. Fine. If you want us to go, we're gone. But you'll see who the real monsters are." Alice jumped out the window and I threw something hard. I think it was my alarm clock. Charlie heard that, even though we'd managed to keep our voices down in the argument.

"Bella, hun, are you alright?"

I sighed. "I'm fine dad."

He seemed like he wanted to just walk away, but he felt like as a dad he needed to stay. So, he walked over and sat on my bed. "Honey, I…"

"Dad, really, I'm fine." Or at least I will be, I think. She said they're going, so that's good. That'll help, right? I decide to wait to call Jacob until the morning though. For now, I need to process. Or, as it turns out, cry some more. I cry for an hour before I finally fall asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:****This is a revised chapter to a story by Hope. Flies** w ww. fan fiction s/4093501/1/Choices **She has kindly given me permission to continue it, since she cannot. I'm trying to re-write the first seven chapters so that they work a little better with my plan for the story. This chapter encompasses chapter six from the original story.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing's mine…ever…well, except the writing, and only if the reviews are good ;3**

**Chapter 5**

I ran home when I saw the anger in Bella's eyes. I've blown it for sure this time, and I can't even leave because we need to protect her from the mess _I _started. Victoria is my fault. Carlisle insists it's not, but it is. It all is. I never, ever should have left. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Bella's done with me and I just want to die. But a small part of me is hopeful because for a moment she kissed me back. No, idiot, I think to myself. She was just confused. She told me what she wanted when she told me she didn't love me anymore. I stalk up to my room and demand to be left alone, but when Alice comes in…

I read it all in her mind as soon as she walks into the house. "Emmett's going to take over watching Bella for a while," Alice grits out.

I see her argument with Bella. Bella threw something at her, wow. Now, she's really angry at us, all of us apparently. Great, as if she wasn't angry enough at me already.

"What did you do!?" I yell. I can't help being upset, even though I shouldn't be. I realize it's because a part of me was still holding onto some sort of hope to fight for her. That kiss.

"Edward, calm down. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interfere. I was just going to tell her about Victoria…since you apparently got distracted."

"What! You told her we were leaving?" I freak out when I see Alice yelling at her. How dare she? It's not her decision! "We can't leave her with Victoria still on her trail."

Alice growled. "I told Emmett to take over, didn't I? I'm sorry. I just got so incensed, I wasn't thinking, but I wouldn't leave her unprotected." She thinks, _I loved her once too, Edward. But she's being childish._ "She doesn't have the right to treat you this way," she says aloud for everyone else's benefit, and then she goes back to thoughts only. _This is not your fault. You were just trying to protect her_.

Loved her once. Right. I'm not supposed to love her anymore. She doesn't love me. I snort. I finally protected her alright…from myself. Isn't that what I wanted all along?

No, not anymore. I wanted her. I knew that before James took her and bit her. I knew that before her blood made me nearly go out of my mind with need that first day I met her. I've always wanted her. And that kiss. She must want me still. There's no other explanation. It doesn't matter what she says.

"You're right! I was and I am and I will always protect Bella. And how could you do this!? Do you think she's going to accept having us around," or let me back into her heart, "after you yelled at her...after you accused her of being childish! Alice, she's hurt!" I yell.

"I won't let her keep treating you like this. She can't throw a tantrum because she feels like you neglected her."_ And she's hurting you, Edward._

"I DON'T CARE!" I shout, and I fly out of there before Carlisle can try to talk me out of it or Jasper can calm me down. Bella's never going to take me back now. I would take all the hurt in the world, if after it was over, Bella would take me back. Alice just doesn't understand, and now she's ruined everything. Bella must be so upset. I think it over the entire way to Canada. Alice just took her hurt and threw it in her face. Ugh! What was she thinking! I seethe, but I can't stay mad at Alice forever. Maybe it's time I accept that my chances with Bella have run out. I run harder, forging through snow. I run and run, trying to exhaust myself, which is laughable. Maybe I'll run to Irina. The thought is reprehensible to me, but what other family could I turn to right now? I need time to grieve Bella before I could even consider being around her, protecting her…if she'd let us. "Alice!" I growl. Then I sigh. Irina was very understanding when I tried running from Bella the first time, before she even knew me. Oh God, I wish I could cry. How stupid! It's the Denali or the Volturi, and I can't die…not yet…not while Bella is still in danger. But I don't make it to the Denali clan. I run for nearly a whole day, but I eventually have to stop at a payphone. I have to make sure Bella knows about Victoria. I can't trust the rest of my family to get through to her…not while Bella's mad at them. They'll probably settle for watching her without her knowing. Bella needs to know! And I need to hear her voice. It's pathetic, but I pick up the phone.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:****This is a revised chapter to a story by Hope. Flies** w ww. fan fiction s/4093501/1/Choices **She has kindly given me permission to continue it, since she cannot. I'm trying to re-write the first seven chapters so that they work a little better with my plan for the story. This chapter encompasses chapter seven from the original story.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing's mine…ever…well, except the writing, and only if the reviews are good ;3**

**Chapter 6**

When I woke up the next morning, I felt better, at least initially. Alice said they were leaving, and good riddance! I grieved last night; today I would talk to Jake. I was so mad at all of the Cullens, but Edward especially. What was he thinking! Coming in here and kissing me last night? Of course, I kissed him back. It had to be that stupid vampire nonsense. Of course, I know it wasn't. I still feel things for him, even though I know it's not healthy. What did Charlie say? Learn to love the things that are good for me? Well, that's exactly what I'm going to do! I start to get dressed, deciding to drive to La Push instead of just calling Jake. I need the pick-me-up, and besides, who better to calm me down? As I think about Alice, accusing me of tearing out Edward's heart after all they'd done to me…and then calling me childish. Hmph! I accidentally yank my worn socks on too hard and tear holes in the toes. "Ugh!" I nearly scream and toss the socks on the ground before grabbing a newer pair. Before I head out the door, I leave Charlie a note. He's fishing with Billy Black again I guess because he's not anywhere around the house. It is Sunday. If he comes home first instead of back to the Black's, I want him to know I'm with Jacob and to know that the Cullens have left…again, so he doesn't have to worry about them. So, I scrawl the note quickly and then rush out to my truck. I could swear I see a vampire from the corner of my eye as I slam my truck's door, but I must be imagining it. Alice left me with some empty threat about finding out who the real monsters are. The werewolves would never hurt me. Jacob wouldn't let them.

When I make it to La Push, I notice that the garage lights are up. Jake must be working on the Rabbit, so I walk over.

"Jake?" I call, not seeing him at first.

"Bella!" he smiles that big, warming smile at me as he scoots out from underneath the front of the car. He walks over to me, scooping me into a giant hug, and then he whispers into my neck, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, Jake. I am now. They left." I told him everything that Alice had said last night, and he looked relieved.

"Good. We can guard you at home again then." No sooner had he finished this declaration than he got this boyish grin on his face. "Guess what?" He waited.

"Uh, what?"

"No, guess!"

"Jake," I smiled. "I don't know. Can't you just tell me."

He shakes his head. "Bella. Where's your sense of fun!"

I hit him. It actually stings a little, which I take note of, but I cover it up. "How's that for fun!?" I tease. It's so easy with Jake, like breathing. I just fall right back into step with my personal sun. This is how I know that voice is right. If Jake couldn't put me back together, no one could. He's perfect.

He laughs and puts his hands up in surrender. "Fine. Sure, sure Bella." He shakes his head and pulls me by the hand up to the front of the car. "See that there," he points at one of the parts. I think he's told me before that it's a brake part, but I can't remember.

"Yeah?"

"Once I finish bolting that in, the Rabbit's done!"

"Jake!" I stare at the car again. It's so amazing. I hadn't even noticed, but he'd turned this thing back into a whole car. "Wow!" I blink and huff out a laugh. "Wow. I guess you definitely get a year for this." I wink at him.

"Oh, I think I get at least two!" he jokes.

The whole afternoon passes like that, and I feel another tiny piece of that hole in my chest filling in. It's so much easier with _him _gone. He muddies things up and messes with my head. But Jake doesn't let me dwell on all of that for too long.

"Ta-da!" He shouts jubilantly. "It's done!"

I snort. "Yeah, but it's filthy."

"Well, Ms. Swan, _that _is because you haven't helped me clean it yet!" He laughs and tosses me a rag. I just roll my eyes, but join in. It's nice to work side-by-side with him. Not even a single thought of those…people…intrudes in our revelry as we splash each other and he chases me around the car. Eventually, we do actually get it sort of clean. It's old enough that some stains just won't go away. That saddens me because it makes me think about my hole. I'll probably always have a scar. But then, there's Jake again. He picks me up and I shriek at him, but hold on tight. He smiles down at me and then, when I'm calm, he puts me down. "Good job," he whispers, and I feel a shiver. But he interrupts it, "Guess now I get another year for having a clean car, right?"

"Oh no, Mr. Black. That's minus a year because you needed _me _to help you!" I giggle and run away as he chases me back to the house, but of course, he catches me when I trip in a hole on the way. From there, we walk back, and he holds my hand and I let him.

Of course, no good day goes unpunished. As soon as I get to the door, Billy's on his way out. He must have just gotten back from fishing because he stinks. He hands me the phone, "It's Edward Cullen." He frowns and so do I. I'm tempted to take it and hang it right back up on the wall, but Jake looks like he might have a few words for Edward, and quite frankly, so do I. I want to curse at him for kissing me…and now, for ruining my good day. Before I can get a word out, however, he's telling me that Victoria is coming for me…to kill me. I drop the phone.

Jake is there instantly, wrapping me up in his warm arms. He picks the phone up, eyes blazing. "What do you think you're doing, calling her!" he yells into the phone. Then, I hear Edward yelling back, "I'm trying to protect my love." I'm so mad I could spit. How dare he!? And I'm also mad because for a second, I hope, and I can feel the hole in my chest roaring, like victory. It wants me. It wants me to go back with Edward so he can break me all over again. He's bad for me. The new voice that I'm growing to love chants it over and over. He hurts you. Jacob can help. Stay with Jacob. I nod, which probably makes me look crazy, but I don't care. And there Jacob is, protecting me from Edward. He shouts, "You made her nearly faint! And you call _that _protecting her?" I nod again. Exactly. This has always been Edward's idea of protecting me…more hurt than help. Besides, they were supposed to be gone.

I try to listen to the rest of the conversation, but they both speak too quietly. I can feel Jake trembling beside me though. He's more than upset. Not for the first time, I curse my human ears. Of course, it doesn't matter, the conversation is short-lived. Jacob hangs up and immediately envelops me. He's still trembling, but he calms down remarkably fast, and I finally let out the shock, shaking against his chest with tears. "Is he back?" I ask tremulously.

"No, honey. He's gone." Jacob rubs my back for a minute before pulling me away. "Call Charlie, okay? Tell him to come over for dinner. I've got to tell the pack about Victoria."

Of course, Jake heard. I can only nod.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:**** This is the seventh chapter to my rewritten story begun by Hope. Flies ** w fiction s/4093501/1/Choices **She has kindly given me permission to continue it, since she cannot. This chapter coincides with what would have been Chapter 8 in the original story. **

**Disclaimer****: Nothing's mine…ever…well, except the writing, and only if the reviews are good ;3**

**Chapter 7**

"Bella, Alice had a vision of Victoria. She's back. She's back and she's going to try to kill you."

I knew as soon as I heard her phone drop that I'd done this wrong. She'd been so angry with me. I was worried she would hang up before I could get her my message, but I shouldn't have been so blunt, even though she _has_ to know. I stare at the pay phone with the French words. Maybe I shouldn't have left, but she doesn't love me, and Alice…Alice ruined everything. What should I have done?

"What do you think you're doing, calling her!" A male voice yells into the phone, and I'm pretty sure it belongs to Jacob Black. If I could have leapt through the receiver to strangle him, I would have. He shouldn't be there; I shouldn't be here.

"I'm trying to protect my love," I shout it before I can think it through, and Jacob scratches at the wound: she doesn't love me.

"You made her nearly faint!" the words ring in my ears. My perfect hearing detects everything: his devotion, his care, his worry…and his criticism. Wasn't I just thinking the same thing? I shouldn't have been so blunt. I should have been more careful, but my Bella has always been so strong. Oh God, what did I do? The realization feels like two tons of vampire crashing into my chest. I broke Bella.

"Jacob, you've got to help her. You've got to help Bella."

As an afterthought, I try to add, "Victoria's back," but Jacob cuts me off before I can even begin.

He snarls and growls so low I'm sure only I can hear, "What do you think I've been doing…before _you_ came back. You want me to help Bella…leave," and then he slams down the receiver, the line going hollow – solid-sound, solid-beep.

"I have…again," I whisper to the dead line.

I stand for hours before some wayward traveler dares approach me and ask if he could use the phone. I walk off. I keep going. I run for miles. Every time I start to head in the direction of Forks, I turn around, but like a magnet, I keep being drawn back toward it. Finally, my willpower wears down. I let myself run. I run until I arrive in Forks, but there is no Bella here. She isn't home. Charlie is out too. I stare at her empty house, and I know I can't leave her, empty, like her house. I have to try to fill her life again. I have to make up for my mistakes. I have to protect her. I don't have a choice. It's that or die, and I'm not ready to give up without a fight. I follow Bella's scent until it goes onto the reservation where I cannot follow.

I wait for several hours, and then I follow a softer thread of her scent, several days old. I follow it out to a cliff. "What were you doing here, Bella?" I ask the air.

The wind whispers past my ear, and I can almost hear it say to me, "You broke her. Your fault," over and over.

I stare over the edge. It would be a considerable drop for a human. The rocks and waves at the bottom are treacherous. I know what she was doing here, and it makes me sick. I wish I would break as easily as her if I threw myself off the cliff, as easily as I broke her. I looked at the waves below and took a carefully timed step off the edge, soaring into the water. I let the water buffet me for several minutes before swimming ashore.

"What happened up there?" I think as I stare back up at the cliff. She can't have jumped. She'd be dead. "Maybe she changed her mind," I muse aloud, but then I remember her face after I kissed her. "Or maybe someone came and forcibly removed her from the edge." I silently thank Jacob. Who else could it have been? He _has _been taking care of her while I've been gone, but I'm back. I _need _to take back over. I _need _her.

"She's so angry though," a voice in my head mocks.

Maybe I'm going insane. I answer back. "Well, I'll just have to make a plan."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:**** This is the eighth chapter to a story by Hope. Flies **w ww . fan fiction. ne t s/4093501/1/Choices **She has kindly given me permission to continue it, since she cannot. **

**Disclaimer****: Nothing's mine…ever…well, except the writing, and only if the reviews are good ;3**

**Chapter 8**

As I'm walking off the reservation, I see Edward just ahead.

He's blocking the path to mine and Jake's favorite trail. I was still calming down, hours after the phone call. A walk seemed in order, but now I'm wishing we'd taken the beach trail instead.

"What's _he _doing here?" I ask no one in particular. Jacob mimics me, and I'm tempted for a moment to shout, _Jinx! _But this is hardly the time. We walk straight up to the invisible treaty line and I can feel Jake shaking with barely contained rage. I hiss his name under my breath and grab his hand as firmly as I can. I feel his gaze, and when I look back up, I see it in his eyes that he's calmer, but there's a question there, too.

We were supposed to be Cullen free. Alice said they'd be gone. Jake told me Edward was going to leave. Why was he here? Why was he back? What did this mean? I nod up at Jake and he moves forward, crossing the line into neutral territory. I follow, still clutching his hand, and I try to ignore the look in those eyes – those piercing, amber eyes. Why does it look like it hurts him? If he cares as much as he insists, why in hell would he leave me like this? Doesn't he know what it did to me!? But, of course – he doesn't.

"I thought I told you to leave," Jake growls.

"I can't leave while Bella's in danger. This is my fault, I have to fix it." Edward looks at me, and I can't believe how much he still mesmerizes me. It's like I want to drown in him all over again. My hole roars for it, but the other voice calmly reminds me: Jacob will fix it. I remember my revelation at the cliff. I can't let the gaping hole in my chest pull me under the metaphorical water, so I tear my eyes away and they settle on my hand in Jacob's. It's warm and right and it feels like taking in a lungful of the freshest oxygen on the planet. I squeeze harder and Jake strokes his thumb across the back of my hand. He's not even conscious he's doing it, I can tell, but I feel stronger. I look back up.

"I'll be fine, Edward. Jake and the pack can take care of me now. Don't stay out of some misguided sense of guilt. I don't need you anymore." I look back down and think, "Your protection ends in chest wounds, and one is more than enough."

"You can't trust them, Bella. They can't control it."

God, he sounds as bad as Alice.

He continues. "They're monst…"

"NO!" I shout. "No, Edward." I stalk closer to him, releasing Jake's hand. I lower my voice, but I know he can still hear. "I recall you telling me that you were a monster, but I didn't believe you then. Well, you've got your wish. I finally know you're a monster, Edward. You tried to destroy me," I nearly choke as my eyes well up, thinking about everything he put me through.

"Bella…" he says softly.

"I'm not finished!" I lower my voice again. "We're done. I can't trust you anymore. What kind of a person tries to justify ripping a person's heart out as protecting them? Even if that's what you honestly believe, how could I ever be sure you wouldn't leave again when you thought you were 'protecting' me. No. You don't get to say who the monsters are here." I hiss out the last sentence and walk back to Jacob.

"Bella, please. Just let me explain. Let me try to make it up to you. I'll prove you can trust me!"

"She said she's done, bloodsucker," Jacob said, stepping forward. "Leave."

"Look, I can't leave her. Victoria is after her because of me. My family is staying. And we trust you'll continue to honor the treaty?"

Oh, no! They can't stay! Jake can't protect me at Charlie's if they stay, and I can't stay with Charlie if they protect me there. I need time to heal. Edward was supposed to leave and not come back. I was supposed to have time. I clutch Jake's arm. He's vibrating.

"How dare you put Bella in this position!" Jake shouted. "If you leeches stay, she'll be forced to see you constantly or leave Charlie, and she's already said she wants you gone. This isn't your choice. You can't just push your way back into her life."

Edward turns to me then. "Bella, we can protect you, and we'll make ourselves scarce, I promise. I can't leave." He nearly chokes on the words. "Please, give me a chance to fix this."

My hole might swallow me, and I move closer to Jake for strength, even though his skin is humming under my fingers. I know what I need to say. The voice chants, "No. No. No." I focus on those long months of zombie me. I remember how good it feels sitting with Jake in his garage. I remember the hole trying to push me off the cliff. But unbidden, I also remember Edward's and my first dinner together after he saved me in Port Angeles, Edward sucking James' venom back out of my system, Edward and I in the meadow, Edward and I dancing, and the images keep flashing. They come in time with throbs of my chest wound. "No, Edward," I should say, but instead, I'm so weak, and I remember that stupid kiss, and I breathe out a barely audible, "Okay." The sound that comes out of Jake is something like a roar.

"Bella! Back up!" Edward is shouting as he crouches. He's going to fling me around and attack Jake. I can see Jake transforming, and I feel my feet begging me to run, but that new voice whispers, "Stand your ground." This time I listen. Edward hasn't been here for these past few months. Jake and I have been through so much. He doesn't get to tell me how to do this. I had to figure out werewolves on my own. Edward never told me that vampires weren't the only things out there. Uh-uh! No way he comes back in and takes over again! I already gave him an inch. I can't let him take anything else from me. So fast Edward hasn't even finished crouching (and since he's a vampire, that's impressive), I shout "NO!"

"BACK OFF!" And I turn away from him. Jake is about to burst. If I stay here, I just know I'll end up shredded, but I stand firm. Can't let Jake push me around either – even if he is a werewolf. "Jake, stop!" I say firmly. He lets out something that sounds almost like a howl. He's too close. I can't let him go there. He'll go after Edward and the vampires _will _hurt him. I step closer. "Jake," it comes out like a whisper. I inch my hand forward, and it looks for a moment like he's going to snap at me, but then—I touch his face. Those warm brown eyes lock on mine, and he starts to breathe slower. His skin seems to settle in space. I stroke my thumb on his cheek and he leans into my hand. But I can't forget Edward's presence. I can feel him staring. I whip around.

"Okay. Ground rules," and I cut him off before he can say anything. "You and your family can stay. You'll be on Bella duty when I'm at Charlie's and at school, but you all stay invisible. I don't want to see one hair on any of your heads. And when I drive to La Push, you watch Charlie. And this is key: once Victoria is caught, I don't care who finds her, she's dead. And once she's dead, you're all gone. Got it?" I try to make it clear that there's no disagreeing with my terms, but my voice is shakier than I'd like. Way too much excitement.

Edward just nods, and that's more than enough as far as I'm concerned. I nod back. "I'm staying the night here," I declare impulsively. I can't handle going back to my bed tonight and knowing they're out there – watching me. No. I need at least one day to get acclimated to my new situation. I turn around without another word and Jake puts an arm around me, walking me back the way we came. When I look at his face, I can see he's smiling. I punch him in the arm. "Hey! Don't get cocky!" I grin, and he grins, and just like that, my world brightens up again. I almost want to look back at Edward to see if he's glittering. Surely this can't all be a trick of my mind? But why would I look back at the moon when I'm walking with the sun?


End file.
